There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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