I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
