We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
