Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
