thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
