is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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