and you said cock pushups were impossible
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
