Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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