your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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