I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
