we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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