you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
