I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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