what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
