thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
