Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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