Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
