So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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