I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
