I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
