i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
