My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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