you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
