D3 body, D1 cock
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
