i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
