can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
