Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
