your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
