Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
