You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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