you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
