It's Friday. Sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
