i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
