i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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