the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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