I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
