That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
