I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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