my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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