drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
