when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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