i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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