Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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