Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dont even know how to be here
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
