"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
