Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
