just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
