There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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