There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
