so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
